But if I live in the flesh, this is the fruit of my labor: yet what I shall choose I know not.
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Gaius Marius Victorinus
AD 400
I do not know which to choose. If I should die, death is gain and Christ is life for me, and I come to him indeed when I die here in the flesh. But if I should continue to live here in the flesh, the fruit of my labor will be to proclaim Christ and preach his gospel.
He said above “Christ is life for me,” but it was not clear then what life he meant, whether in the flesh or life after death. So now he adds these words pointing directly to this life in the flesh: “If it is to be life in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me.” “What is this fruit of my labor? My labor is the gospel I preach. Its fruit is to bring many to the hope of life and salvation as they in due course begin to have hope in Christ and put faith in the gospel.”
This is to me His meaning is, that although his dying immediately for Christ, would be his gain, by putting him presently in possession of heaven; yet he is doubtful what he should choose, because by staying longer in the flesh, he should be more beneficial to the souls of his neighbours. (Challoner)
What I shall choose I know not: though my earnest desire is to be dissolved from this mortal body, and to be with Christ, as my greater happiness, yet if it be the will of God that I labour longer, as necessary for your good, and that I again come to you, let God dispose of me according to his holy will. (Witham)
Here he divulges a great mystery: he thought that the time of his departure was in his own power. Where there is choice, there we have power. “Yet,” he says, “which one I shall choose I do not yet know.” If he would ask this grace of God, either would appear to be within his power…. Behold the affection of this blessed man! By this he comforts them when they see that even his departure is within his own power. This happens only by the dispensation of God. .
One must not suppose that he is demeaning this life. He is not saying that since there is nothing good for us here, we might as well do away with ourselves. Not at all. There can be profit even here, if we live not toward this life finally but toward that other. .
Nothing can be more blessed than the spirit of Paul, for the reason that nothing is more noble. We all shudder at death, I am wont to say, some by reason of our many sins, of whom I too am one, others from love of life, and cowardice, of whom may I never be one; for they who are subject to this fear are mere animals. This then, which we all shudder at, he prayed for, and hasted toward Him; saying, To depart is very far better. What do you say? When you are about to change from earth to heaven, and to be with Christ, do you not know what to choose? Nay, far is this from the spirit of Paul; for if such an offer were made to any one on sure grounds, would he not straightway seize it? Yes, for as it is not ours to depart and be with Christ, neither, if we were able to attain to this, were it ours to remain here. Both are of Paul, and of his spirit. He was confidently persuaded. What? Are you about to be with Christ? And do you say, What I shall choose I know not? And not this only, but do ...
Lest any should say, If what you say is life, wherefore has Christ left you here? It is, he says, the fruit of my work; so that it is possible to use to good purpose the present life, while not living it. Lest you should think that reproach is cast upon life. For if we gain no advantage here, wherefore do we not make away with ourselves, nor slay ourselves? By no means, he answers. It is open to us to profit even here, if we live not this, but another life. But perchance one will say, does this bear you fruit? Yes! He answers. Where are now the heretics? Behold now; to live in the flesh, this is the fruit of his work. That which I now live in the flesh, I live in faith; therefore it is the fruit of my work.
And what I shall choose I know not. Marvelous! How great was his philosophy! How has he both cast out the desire of the present life, and yet thrown no reproach upon it! For in that he says, to die is gain, by this he has cast out the desire, but in that he says, to live in the f...
