Deprive not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your lack of self-control.
All Commentaries on 1 Corinthians 7:5 Go To 1 Corinthians 7
John Chrysostom
AD 407
3. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be by consent.
What then can this mean? Let not the wife, says he, exercise continence, if the husband be unwilling; nor yet the husband without the wife's consent. Why so? Because great evils spring from this sort of continence. For adulteries and fornications and the ruin of families have often arisen from hence. For if when men have their own wives they commit fornication, much more if you defraud them of this consolation. And well says he, Defraud not; fraud here, and debt above, that he might show the strictness of the right of dominion in question. For that one should practice continence against the will of the other is defrauding; but not so, with the other's consent: any more than I count myself defrauded, if after persuading me you take away any thing of mine. Since only he defrauds who takes against another's will and by force. A thing which many women do, working sin rather than righteousness, and thereby becoming accountable for the husband's uncleanness, and rending all asunder. Whereas they should value concord above all things, since this is more important than all beside.
We will, if you please, consider it with a view to actual cases. Thus, suppose a wife and husband, and let the wife be continent, without consent of her husband; well then, if hereupon he commit fornication, or though abstaining from fornication fret and grow restless and be heated and quarrel and give all kind of trouble to his wife; where is all the gain of the fasting and the continence, a breach being made in love? There is none. For what strange reproaches, how much trouble, how great a war must of course arise! since when in an house man and wife are at variance, the house will be no better off than a ship in a storm when the master is upon ill terms with the man at the head. Wherefore he says, Defraud not one another, unless it be by consent for a season, that you may give yourselves unto prayer. It is prayer with unusual earnestness which he here means. For if he is forbidding those who have intercourse with one another to pray, how could pray without ceasing have any place? It is possible then to live with a wife and yet give heed unto prayer. But by continence prayer is made more perfect. For he did not say merely, That ye may pray; but, That ye may give yourselves unto it; as though what he speaks of might cause not uncleanness but much occupation.
And may be together again, that Satan tempt you not. Thus lest it should seem to be a matter of express enactment, he adds the reason. And what is it? That Satan tempt you not. And that you may understand that it is not the devil only who causes this crime, I mean adultery, he adds, because of your incontinency.
But this I say by way of permission, not of commandment. For I would that all men were even as I myself; in a state of continence. This he does in many places when he is advising about difficult matters; he brings forward himself, and says, Be imitators of me.
Howbeit each man has his own gift from God, one after this manner, and another after that. Thus since he had heavily charged them saying, for your incontinence, he again comforts them by the words, each one has his own gift of God; not declaring that towards that virtue there is no need of zeal on our part, but, as I was saying before, to comfort them. For if it be a gift, and man contributes nothing thereunto, how do you say, But 1 Corinthians 7:8 I say to the unmarried and to widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I: 1 Corinthians 7:9 but if they have not continency let them marry? Do you see the strong sense of Paul how he both signifies that continence is better, and yet puts no force on the person who cannot attain to it; fearing lest some offense arise?
For it is better to marry than to burn. He indicates how great is the tyranny of concupiscence. What he means is something like this: If you have to endure much violence and burning desire, withdraw yourself from your pains and toils, lest haply you be subverted.
