Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
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Augustine of Hippo
AD 430
God forbid that a man who possesses faith should, when he hears the apostle bid men “love their wives,” love that disordered sexual desire in his wife which he ought not to love even in himself. He may know this if he listens to the words of another apostle: “Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world.” .
See how again he has exhorted to reciprocity. As in the other case he enjoins fear and love, so also does he here. For it is possible for one who loves even, to be bitter. What he says then is this. Fight not; for nothing is more bitter than this fighting, when it takes place on the part of the husband toward the wife. For the fightings which happen between beloved persons, these are bitter; and he shows that it arises from great bitterness, when, says he, any one is at variance with his own member. To love therefore is the husband's part, to yield pertains to the other side. If then each one contributes his own part, all stands firm. From being loved, the wife too becomes loving; and from her being submissive, the husband becomes yielding. And see how in nature also it has been so ordered, that the one should love, the other obey. For when the party governing loves the governed, then everything stands fast. Love from the governed is not so requisite, as from the governing towards the ...
See again a mystery of love! If the two don’t become one, so long as they continue two, they have no children, but when they come together, many children result. What do we learn from this? That the power of union is great. At the beginning God’s wise counsel divided the one into two; and yet even after this division God desired to show that humanity was still one. To do so he determined that human procreation could not be accomplished by only one person…. For man and wife are not two men, but one humanity…. If he is the head, and she the body, how are they two? … Moreover, from the very fashioning of her body, one may see that they are one, for she was made from his side, and they are, as it were, two halves…. The child is a sort of bridge, so that the three become one flesh, the child connecting on either side, each to the other. For just as two cities divided by a river can be united by a bridge, so it is in this case; and the reality is more than the analogy; the very bridge in thi...
Observe again that Paul has exhorted husbands and wives to reciprocity. As with wives toward husbands, here too he enjoins fear and love. For it is possible for one who loves to be bitter. What Paul says then is this. Don’t fight; for nothing is more bitter than fighting in marriage, when it takes place on the part of the husband toward the wife. For disputes between people who love another are bitter. These arise from great bitterness, when, Paul says, any one disagrees with his own member. To love, therefore, is the husband’s part, to yield pertains to the other side. If, then, each one contributes his own part, all stand firm. From being loved, the wife too becomes loving; and from her being submissive, the husband learns to yield.
